Self-Hatred for the Blogging Carnival for non-violence

I never knew I was violent until I looked in the mirror! All the rage that I kept in my heart from years of abuse, was staring me straight in the face! I learned of this self-hate years ago upon the discovery of a book I cherish to this day, entitled "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay! Just yesterday I was reminded that traces of hate still reside in me. The "residue" showed up just yesterday as I was on my way out the door! As I was dressing, I felt a little "tinge" in my lower back, where' I have experienced back pain as a child. I believe I was 8 or 9 years old. The tumble down the stairs was the beginning of all the pain I can remember. The pain of being separated from my siblings when my mother passed at the age of 44! The pain of being shipped down south to an aunt I never knew. (Thank you Aunt Edna for taking me and my little brother Douglas Robinson in, when you could have refused) But that's what relatvies did, back in the day. Real family cared for relatives, whether you were cousins, uncles, etc.) The pain of feeling unwanted. The pain of feeling unloved. So I carry that pain! As Author Iyanla VanZant (whom I've had the pleasure of interviewing years ago while working in Chicago's Radio Stations-V103/Gospel Radio 1390AM) "UNTIL TODAY"! Today, this day, I realize the self hate will disapper, when I recognize and continue practicing my daily rituals of release. I practice releasing by keeping a journal. That jounral includes forgiving myself. What? Yeah, let that sink in for a minute. I list 10 things I am grateful for on a daily basis. Sometimes, they are often the same thing, but at least I have something to be grateful for, continously. Then I read a chapter from "Celebrate Your Life" and/or "You Can Heal Your Life" by who else, Louise Hay! After reading, I go to the section of the book and look up the body part that it refers to. In my case, back pain. Back pain represents a lack of support, which I have always felt. Doesn't matter that I've been married 13 years and know without a shadow of a doubt, that my husband Tony Hogues, is the kind of man that would give his life, to protect mine. What I do know is that now I am conscious of this 'residue" in my life, I can do something about it! So I read, I write, and I practice my affirmations. I now focus on RELEASING the need, that causes me to think the way I thought in the first place. It may not make sense here, but if you read my story in my first book published in 1997, "The Passion Principles: Pathwways to Purpose, Power & Profit," you will begin to understand my story of self-loathing. I am most grateful to my many Universal Teachers that have guided me along the way. The late Dr. Johnny Coleman, founder of Christ Universal Temple, Linda Sheppard, my girlfriend from California who introduced me to her. Iyanla VanZant for the books she write, and sooo many more. If there's one thing you take away from my personal experience, that is to learn to love yourself, just as you are. When you are ready to move your life to a new level, teachers will appear out of nowwhere. Now that I have learned a little bit, and still learning to love myself the way I want to be loved, things are constantly imporoving. I didn't want to die alone, (as I have no children. My books are my babies, all 7 of them) Funny how I was so happy being single and enjoying my singlehood to the utmost, then my husband shows up. He was tired of the dating game, but I wasn't. I was still in date mode. Almost missed that one! It wasn't until I got out of my own way (again) to see the handwriting on the wall, that this man was serious, and if I wanted to be with him, I had to release my old way of thinking. (Get them before they get me!) I grew up in a house of men, who were the biggest players of the ball, so I saw no reason to get married. So ladies and gents, never give up on yourself, because it's never too late. I was not married until age 55! Perfect age. You've lived. You've loved! You've traveled the world. You've seen enough to know what you do want and what you don't want. I saw myself in a way as never before. Not being mean to myself by accepting less than what I know I deserve. Accepting less than what you deserve it a form of self-hatred. I know longer hate the people who have abused, misused or called me out of my name. More importantly, I no longer feel the need to be associated with anyone else who doesn't show me love, or show love to themselves, by disrespecting themselves or others. Now you know a part of y story, hopefully your journey will include having empathy for those who are still violent to themselves and others. All we can do in this lifetime, is to b a light, so all that see you can see themselves in you, and continue to share the love and the light! Stay on purpose, stay empowered, stay tuned to higher learning with ZeldaSpeaks on Monday Morning Mindfulness. (www.BlogTalkRadio.com/the-female-solution) and LIVE STRESS Relief Session 11:15am CST EVERY Monday Morning! More stress relief tips at Youtube.com/ZeldaSpeaks and Youtube.com/ZeldaSpeaksMindfulness More Resources available: Pain/Inflammation/Arthritis Zelda.now.site ZeldaRobinson.TowerGarden.com I work with the Queen of Cryto Currency who teaches Black People about Bitcoin! P.S. Remember to B-R-E-A-T-H!!!